Morning Mini-Hike

If You Loved Me...

Lately, Miss Julia has been asking us - rather repetitively - "Are you happy, Momma? Dad, are you happy?" This is almost always when she is straddling the "in trouble" line and it seems like she is checking the mood and patience level of whichever of us is the parent in her presence. She also says it after she tramples that line and has received her punishment. If she asks then and we tell her no, in fact we aren't very happy because she tried to flush a roll of tissue down the toilet - again - she immediately says, "But I want to be sorry!"

Another new one is similar: She will ignore us and when we finally get her attention (soft and calm, crazy loud, turning off the TV, etc.) she will rush to blurt, "Momma! I love you!" Some days are better than others, but I've heard myself echoing my mother (and hers, too, I'm sure!) when I tell her, "If you loved me, you'd LISTEN to me!" I spice it up now and then and tell her, "If you really wanted to show me you loved me, you'd obey us!" Of course, she's 2 1/2, so how much she hears or cares is beyond me. I think saying these "rational" things when you're anything but sometimes helps crazy mommies deal.

But one day, I didn't hear my mom's voice, I heard my Father's.

Not my daddy's voice, but my Heavenly Father's. And I felt really bad. Worse than my toddler feels; she's just a little girl and anything she does now...well, truthfully, I don't think you can hold her accountable for much. Me...wow. I should know better.

Jesus said: "If you love me, you will keep my commandments." (John 14:15)

And there I was, echoing these words, feeling the frustration that comes with the Terrible Twos, thinking, "Why doesn't she just listen to me?" and I'm struck with the awful thought of how badly I must make God feel when I don't listen. When He tells me "Love thy neighbor, don't put anything above Me, honor your parents, don't covet, COME TO ME - ACCEPT ME - LOVE ME!" and I don't pay so much attention. Sort of like Julia watching Toy Story 2 (AGAIN), I get all caught up in this or that and don't listen to what He is telling me I need to do. Can you imagine having to parent this earth? Can you imagine the pain our Father must feel when He sees how we treat each other? I don't remember much bickering with my sisters or brother but I know the sister I was closest in age to and I would occasionally try to get each other in trouble. Not often, but there were times here and there. It had to drive my parents crazy. What must God think when He sees all his children doing that? Especially lately. It seems we have lost all knowledge of how to be kind to one another, to be gracious and compassionate.

Now, just as I know that I don't stop loving Julia when she doesn't listen, I know that my Heavenly Father doesn't stop loving me when I sin. However, just as she says, "I want to be sorry!" I have to ask for His forgiveness. And just as I tell her, "Ok, but don't do it again!" I have to not repeat my sin. Hard to do. But I need to keep trying...and I need to exercise the grace and patience with my daughter that I know He uses with me. I want some day to look up at Him and say, "Father, are you happy with me?" and know that He is.

Trick or Treat!

This weekend, our little bug turned into a little bee for Halloween and buzzed all over the neighborhood in search of sweet things.

The night before, we had gone to Darling Hubby's hometown to trick-or-treat in his neighborhood. We started doing that when she was born because it is small, hometown America personified. It seemed safer, more friendly. It made my heart a little puffy, too, watching Daddy and Miss Julia knocking on the same doors 30-couple-a-few years apart, especially when the age-blessed ladies would coo and ahh over the both of them. We made a weekend tradition out of it, carving pumpkins for Pappy's porch and picking up apples at the farm stand.

We also started another tradition for her first Halloween. We now Trick or Treat for Troops. I know (now!) that there are several organizations out there that apparently do this, but I honestly hadn't known that when we started. Hopefully, I'm not violating any copyrights by talking about it...maybe if I lose the Upper Case it's less official looking. When we started doing this, it was simple: She was only 8 months old, looking adorable as a fairy princess, and didn't eat much beyond Puffs and smashed bananas but I still wanted to show her off. (Can you honestly blame me?)

I didn't celebrate Halloween much in between trick or treating and being a mom. Not big on my to-decorate for list. I was one of those "Celebrate Autumn" people, focusing more on Thanksgiving and CHRISTmas coming. I went through the holiday hoping that my car didn't get egged (or soaped or worse) and reveling in the 70% off SweeTarts a few days after it was over.

Then I became a MOM.

And now we are all about pumpkins and costumes and plates with witches and ghosts and bats. We made cookies with tombstone and black cat cutters, purple and black icing, orange and yellow non-parieles bouncing across my kitchen floor with as much joy as I was having with her. (I know...I couldn't believe it either!)

I bought a witch "scarecrow" and three little hologram happy ghosts. We made pumpkin magnets, construction paper pumpkins and carved a Blue's Clue pumpkin (a repeat, but it was her request).

But I digress...

The real Halloween fun for me happens when we go trick-or-treating. I honestly can't remember who we sent the first candy to. I wish I could. It was someone my brother told me about who was deployed. It wasn't much, but we felt so good sending her candy to someone that I actually found myself looking forward to the following year. Last year, we again sent her candy, but she was older and cuter and we came back to Pappy's house with a bounty. We told people what we were doing with her candy last year and a few people walked over to Pap's and gave us their extras. HOW TOUCHING. Especially since I knew where her candy was going this time...all the way to Afghanistan...to her uncle, my baby brother.

We had another name of a soldier in the Army that we sent a box to; his aunt works with DH and asked us to send a box to him as well. We bought some extra candy and had a huge box of popcorn donated by DH's boss. Someone over there sent a bag of candy home, too.

One thing I think I will always remember about this year was this: while we were packing the boxes, there was breaking news about the shooting at Fort Hood in Texas where 12 people were killed and 31 people were injured at the hands of, horrifically, another soldier. I remember packing this and thinking, "How could this happen?"

We sent a little over 34 POUNDS of candy last year.

This year, we have two names. I was torn, however, seeing how excited she was to trick-or-treat and get candy. Somewhere inside, I decided we would just go buy some candy and mail that, putting in the things she couldn't eat from her stash. Saturday morning, she woke up sick. After not quite an hour of trick-or-treating, she informed us "I got enough candy from people, I want to go home." One of Pappy's neighbors, a retired Airman himself, had a bag of "extras" made up for us to send; his wife said he was hoping we did it again. That melted my heart.

Sunday, Miss Julia was still sick and we contemplated not going at all. However, after a nap, she was dressing herself to go get more candy. This time, I told DH that I was going to take an extra bag and ask people for an extra for the troops. I was nervous - you never know what people will say anymore! We had never gone trick-or-treating here in the burgh, either. We attached ourselves to our neighbors and Miss Julia's friends and started out. I walked up to the door with all the kids and said, "We're also trick-or-treating for the troops...if you have an extra, I'd appreciate it."

I WAS BLOWN AWAY BY THE RESPONSE.

See, I've always felt more at home in the country, the small town. People there always seem so much nicer, more willing to help. They also seem to support our troops more (my personal opinion is that so many of our servicemen and women come from small-town America...it may just seem that way because I grew up there, though). I was expecting to be chastised, ignored, told "no." A lot.

I WAS WRONG.

We had to stop collecting for them halfway through. The bag was FULL. Only ONE HOUSE said no. Most people gave two or three. Some people said, "If it's for a soldier, take a peanut butter cup, not a lollipop." One man went back in and got a whole package for us, unopened. He stuck his chin up and I swear his eyes got a little watery. On the way back, I noticed his veteran bumper sticker.

It really taught me something. Sort of like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, looking for something somewhere over the rainbow that was right here all the time. I'm reaching a little, I know. But I keep saying, "We gotta get to the country, I want her to have values and morals and a safe, happy childhood." I'm assuming that people here don't care. I was certain I would come home with two or three tootsie rolls and a spirit that was deflated.

I came home with pride that so many people support our troops...and an opportunity to tell those protecting us that it really is true. The kind words they expressed while handing me a M&Ms mean more than the sugar. And while I'm thrilled to send a box of candy to the big sandbox overseas, what I want them most to know is that we are grateful for them, thankful that someone sacrifices to protect our freedoms, our liberties, our lives. We love them and support them, even not knowing them, because that is what they offer to us.

Five Days Unplugged

Saturday morning, in the middle of planning our anniversary date, we got a pop-upmessage alerting us to a virus found on our computer. We "x"ed it out, but that was apparently all it took to start the "rogue bogus antivirus" from taking over our computer. Unfortunately, I neglected to do several things, the first of which was to make recovery disks for the computer when we got it a year ago. Secondarily, and more important to me, I put off backing up all of the photos and videos of Julia...for the past year. So, I'll just get out out of the way: "poor me!" There...that feels better. Now, until I can get the photos backed up and the computer fixed, I'm obviously not able to be online other than using this smartphone (and I can assure you that I didn't name the device as such...). I had been talking about "giving up" facebook for the month of November, really meaning the games I played on the site which had begun to take up to much time. I made a list of all the things that I was missing out on by panting virtual crops and digging for imaginary treasures. Tea parties Coloring books Exercise Clean house Crafts, sewing Reading Going to bed at night with my husband...not hours later When I told a few people about it (not many...if I failed, I wanted to fail in front of the least amount of folks possible!), I was mostly laughed at. Darling Hubby actually snorted. DH said, through the laughter, "Yeah, right...that'll *never* happen!" Now, those who know me know this for certain: If you want to get me involved, just say I can't do it. I like a challenge, I hate to lose and there's not much I like more than proving you wrong if you doubt me. So I started to *really* consider it. Said I would only get on via the phone (which is almost like not being on at all!) And I started this blog, because the reason I like facebook is because its almost like a diary for me...and I can share photos. Well, here we are halfway through day five, and I'm looking around thinking, "Wow...look at all I have been missing!" The house is getting clean and organized each day, I've completed several sewing projects and have a few more started. All of the laundry is done. I'm reading a book. I watched a couple movies. Not that I didn't do ask of those things, I just usually ended up glancing at the clock, funding out what time it was and, in panic mode, tried to cram a while life in half the time, not giving anything the attention it needed or deserved. Bad wife. Bad momma. Bad me. So, I'm determined now, even when the computer gets fixed, to budget my time better. I only get one shot at this. I sure don't want to waste it on the virtual version when I can live the real one...unplugged. Sent via DROID on Verizon Wireless

You've Got Mail

I'm starting to think God uses email.

Now before you think I'm being sacrilegious, hear me out. Of course, I don't think He has email. But I can't tell you the many times I've been sent (or tweeted) a Bible verse or devotion that spoke right to me. Nor can I tell you how often He has guided someone to speak (ok, type!) a kind word to me, a word of encouragement, when one was desperately needed. I am gaining confidence in sharing my faith because of the people He is placing in my path that are unafraid to share theirs.

When I was a little girl, one of my Bible School teachers once told me that if you just randomly open your Bible, the first verse you see is the one you need. Now, I'm not too sure I believe that; I'm awfully skeptical about, well, just about all of those kind of things. Besides, I almost always end up in Psalms, being that it is in the middle of the book. And so much of Psalms isn't more than words of comfort and caring...no directions, no step-by-step instructions of a perfect life. So that can't possibly be right.

WAIT A MINUTE.

Usually what I'm needing at that point IS a promise of a caring, loving God. Someone who's there for me always, never forsaking me. In fact, it seems to me that no matter where I "get" the verse, it's like I'm "supposed" to read it. In church, passages seem to be ones I need to hear. The Daily Bible Verse that is delivered by email each day tweaks a nerve more often than not; the passages in Our Daily Bread and The Upper Room do the same. Incredibly enough, the website of a UFC fighter (Matt Hughes) held one of the most beautiful verses I never would have found on my own.

1 Timothy 1:15-16: This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone

should

accept it: “Christ Jesus came into the world to

save

sinners”—and I am the worst of them all. But God had

mercy

on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime

example of his great patience with even the worst

sinners.

Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in him

and receive eternal life.

Now, I know it sounds like I'm picturing the world revolving around me, but isn't that a parable, too? Even one lost lamb this Shepard would come and look for, give His life for. So I know He is speaking to me, guiding me, placing people in my life who are helping me on my journey. They're turning up from the most amazing places! Even on the world wide web...

Lemons from Lemonade

So last night before bed, it felt a little chilly. When I checked the thermostat, I found the heater wasn't working. I pulled out a huge pile of extra blankets and called the landlord when we woke up. Thankfully (here's the lemonade part), it's only October and it's chilly but not cold. Still thirsty? More lemonade: since it was cold, I decided to bake a cake since the oven would help warm up the house. Now I have a very happy toddler who got to bake with Momma, a slightly warmer house that smells divine and one of my favorite cakes to eat later!

It comes down to this. I'm learning - note that I did not say I've learned...it's definitely a process I've not perfected yet - that it is SO much easier to say, "Yes, but look at all I HAVE - look at what is GOOD!" than to complain about things that I lack or that fail me. It's not EASY, but it's EASIER. The blessings were never promised to have neon signs on them. Instead, the Bible says to "seek and ye shall find." (Matthew 7:7) LOOK! LOOK AROUND! They're EVERYWHERE!

I ♥ML because why not just immerse myself in it? God designed this life JUST FOR ME! So everything that happens works for good - eventually! I might not see it without looking; I might never see it. But I know that the good is there, the blessings exist, the "Well, at least..." can be found. When my car broke down during rush hour, at least Julia and I could get home safely. When we had to give Wiggles up, it turned out to be a wonderful new life for him (and his Grammie Julia and Pappy Dom, too!). There are loads of mundane little moments everyday that are blessings. Look for them. Find them. Embrace life with faith that every day is a gift from God, every day has meaning. It's all worth something.

And now, a Keep Your House Warm Apple Cake recipe...a reward of sorts for sitting through my preachin'.

CANDEE'S MOST FAVORITEST APPLE CAKE EVER

3 eggs

1 3/4 c. sugar

1 c. oil

2 c. flour

1 c. walnuts (i chop mine fine)

1 tsp. salt

1 tsp. cinnamon

2 c. diced apples

1 tsp. baking soda

1 tsp. vanilla

Grease and flour a 9x13 inch pan (I use PAM and a non-stick pan); preheat oven to 350.

Beat together eggs, sugar and oil.

Looking stern is optional.

Add flour, soda, salt and cinnamon. Mix well.

Licking the beaters is also optional...but highly recommended.

By hand, mix in apples, nuts and vanilla. Put into prepared pan. (This is not a batter that you pour; this mixture is very thick and very sticky and needs to be spread evenly in the pan.)

Bake for 45 minutes. Wonder the entire time if you could like the finished product better than the stuff you licked off the beaters.

TOPPING

(because when you thought it was already Amazing Enough, you were wrong!)

1 small box instant vanilla pudding

2 envelopes Dream Whip

1 3/4 c. cold milk

1 tsp. vanilla

Beat until thick. Chill.

With a straw, poke holes for the topping to ooze into, making it good and moist.

Spread topping over cooled cake. In the event there is any left, keep refrigerated.

I dare you to eat just one piece... ♥ML!